Being a Daydream Believer Creates a Perfect Storm of Wrong

I haven't blogged in quite awhile.  Well, I've tried, but nothing I attempted to write seemed to come out correctly.  After my last post, I started feeling very vulnerable.  I exposed more of myself than I had intended.  Then later I asked someone for a big favor (for someone else, as I would never ask for something for myself,) and although she said yes, and made someone's day, I feel like I over stepped boundaries.  I admit they are self-imposed boundaries, and if the person didn't want to do the favor I asked for, I'm sure she would have said no, but I still feel bad.  In hindsight, I feel like it wasn't my place to ask, as I had said I didn't ever want anything from this person.  I feel like I lied, albeit unintentionally.

I also feel like I've misread some relationships.  Well, not so much misread, as imagined them to be more than they were, and more than they could ever have the potential to be.  That's completely my fault.  I read too much into most things, and I imagine what I would like reality to be.  It's an old habit from my childhood- daydreaming about being anyone and anywhere else.  Combine that with a longing for someone to connect with- to have someone who takes an interest in me once in awhile, and you get an anxiety filled perfect storm of wrong.

I'm trying to push these feeling away, or at the very least, ignore them, but it's not easy.  What I really want to do is to hide away again and disconnect from the world.  But I've come to care deeply about a few people, and even if they never care for me as much as I care about them, I don't want to lose what little relationship we have.  Although it hurts my heart, I'll take passing acquaintance over nothing any day.