Broken

Before I get too far into this blog, I suppose I should forewarn you that I am broken.  I've carried a lot of pain and insecurity my whole life, and it's still with me to this day.  But I'm one of those "she looks like she has it mostly together" types of broken people.  That's my control freak/perfectionist nature.  I can't let anyone see what actually lies beneath the surface.  I've never really talked too much about my struggles, so writing them here will be new territory for me.

I read a book recently, and the author talked about her own struggles very honestly, and about why it was so important for her to be honest in the telling of her story.  What she had to say really resonated with me, and I thought, hell, why not try?  Our stories really aren't similar at all- hers being about drug and alcohol abuse, and my own being mostly about abandonment and feeling unwanted.  Nonetheless,  a lot of the emotions and insecurities that she talked about really hit home for me.  She talked about being in her own head, wishing she were somewhere and someone else.  That was exactly my escape as a kid.  It was how I made myself feel worthy and special.

I can't be as honest in my real life as the author was in her memoir, for so many reasons.  This is the best I can do... at least it's something.